By Jackie Saulmon Ramirez | May 30, 2012
A few years ago I was researching ‘spanking’ for an article I was working on and came across a website where you could click to listen to an actual spanking as it had occurred. Out of curiosity I clicked the button and waited for the dial-up connection to load the recording.
While I was waiting my thoughts retrieved my own childhood. My parents each had their own methods for whipping. The dial-up was still working… As I remembered the pain and the shame of those ‘good whippings’ I began to sweat. My chest tightened and I could tell I was going to cry. Unable to go further, I clicked the ‘X’ to close the website and I never went back. Yeah, I remembered all those whippings.
My reaction surprised me and also reaffirmed my need to stay in my Parents Anonymous Group. While I was not hitting or whipping my children, I still carried that awful baggage with me every day. I still got angry over stupid things, just like Mom. I was authoritarian like Dad and I remembered those in my family who spoke of whipping almost as a Biblical duty.
Through the years I thought about waiting for the dial-up to load. I thought about my children and my need for them to love me as I loved them. I never wanted my children to hear the crack of a belt or feel the stinging burn it left behind. I did not want them to grow up and have memories like mine. In this fast paced world we live in I am grateful that one day not too long ago we had that slow connection, dial-up.
Copyright © 2014 Jackie Saulmon Ramirez. All Rights Reserved.
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