Thoughtful Spanking


There are other things to think about when considering spanking as a means of discipline

By Jackie Saulmon Ramirez | December 5, 2012

A child abused at home is more likely to be vulnerable to bullies at school.

Spanking can split folks in a room into taking sides faster than politics and it is just as serious for many. When I came to Parents Anonymous in 1989 I read their non-violence policy and made an oath before the group that I would not hit or spank my children. In twenty-three years I have slipped fewer times than the number of fingers on one hand. If I can do it— you can too!

The few times when I have struck out were when the girls were within reach. I self-reported to the Parents Anonymous facilitators who are mandated reporters. The facilitator told me it would not require any further action because it was “in the moment.” In the moment means “instantly” and would rule out anything that happens even a few minutes after the incident. Those times happened so quickly for me that there was no time to think. There were also no lasting marks and any handprint was no longer visible within a couple of hours.

During a CPS investigation a parent’s most private information can be laid bare to intrusion.

Another factor according to the facilitator was my undeniable drive and effort to change the abusive behavior and to learn other, healthier means of discipline. If it were a class in school I would have earned an A+. There were so many options beyond the tools given to me by my parents— a leather belt, a fly swat, switches, shoes, electrical cords— how could I not  change?

The truth is that any parent who gives a lot of care and thought into the appropriate amount and type of discipline, they will ultimately choose something other than spanking. With that said— who would give any discipline measure without  careful thought?

Spanking brings with it several drawbacks with it, one being the humiliation of the spankee and ultimate remorse of the spanker. The spankee doesn’t often learn a lasting lesson beyond being more careful not to get caught. The emotional damage spanking causes lasts for a lifetime and would prompt many to wonder, “Why would I knowingly do something to damage my child for the rest of their life?” This “damage” also causes the child to be vulnerable  to everyone single person they meet, especially other children and bullies. Who would choose that for their child?

As a senior citizen there is a good chance they will care for you in the same manner that you cared for them as children.

Another drawback is being visited by child protective services after a report and having a thorough investigation done. A parent’s most private information, your relationships and home can be laid bare to intrusion. If there are marks, bruises (even by accident) or injuries your children (one or all) could be removed from your home and be placed in foster care. The entire experience could expand other problems and end up costing you a small fortune. Now, do you really think spanking is worth it?

Looking forward to your golden years when you are no longer able to live alone there is the possibility of living with your adult children. There is a good chance they will care for you in the same manner that you cared for them. I remember seeing a joke in my e-mail once that reminded parents to “be nice to your kids because they will choose your rest home.” Think for a moment— would you like the way your children will care for you?

Copyright © 2014 Jackie Saulmon Ramirez. All Rights Reserved.

New Jersey 24-Hour Family Helpline: 1-800-THE-KIDS

Parents Anonymous® of New Jersey, Inc.
Phone: (609) 585-7666
Fax: (609) 585-7686
E-mail: PANJInfo@PAofNJ.org
Website: PA-of-NJ.org

Join the Online Support Group
Wednesdays 9:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. EST
Thursdays 12:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. EST

Facebook: Parent Rap – Soup To Nuts

Parents Anonymous® Inc.
Phone: (909) 621-6184
Fax: (909) 621-0614
Website: ParentsAnonymous.org

National Parent Helpline
1-855-4A PARENT OR 1-855-427-2736
Hours: Monday – Friday 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. PST

About Jackie Saulmon Ramirez

Jackie has volunteered for more than twenty years for children and family issues. Currently she writes for parents in the "Reminder" and "Parent Rap" Facebook page. If you are interested in receiving the "Reminder," send her a message.
This entry was posted in How-To, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Thoughtful Spanking

  1. Thanks for writing on behalf of children! I thought I would share a project I am working on to raise awareness about these long-term negative effects. My site is: http://stopspanking.org and you can find us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/protectchildrenfromviolence?ref=hl
    I hope you will check is out and share our project with your community!

    Like

    • Jackie Saulmon Ramirez says:

      I would be happy to share your information. Some parents use spanking (hitting, slapping, kicking, embarassment) for a short-term parenting fix and cannot see down the road to the problems that lie ahead as a direct result. If there is any way I can help you, let me know.

      Like

  2. We were spanked just because my parents were embarrassed by our actions. My mom use to ask us how much should I give you, and if we got hit and didn’t know why she said for GP (general purposes) in case you did something and I missed it. There was also the Green Hornet ( a green board) that was used on us. We were also humiliated, we had to pull our pants and underwear down. We were hung by ropes and hit with 2 x 4.

    I never did that to my children. One time my wife did see me asking my older son to pull his pants and underwear down to spank him. I just did it because that was normal for me. She asked me ,”don’t you think that is humiliating for him?” It made me think, I told her yes you are right,it is. I never did that again.

    She even taught me to tell them positive things before I would tell them some that they did wrong. Even after I would spank them, I took them in my arms to assure them that i love them.

    But all that was for nothing, because of the mistakes I made, and because I am the man of the house, God will hold me responsible, and I have to die for them.

    Like

    • Jackie Saulmon Ramirez says:

      Thank you for sharing this; it is never easy but getting something like that out is sometimes a first step to healing.

      I smiled reading about the general purpose spanking and Green Hornet. But yeah, there did not always need to be a reason to get hit or whipped. A spanking o whipping wasn’t as much about behavior as it was about what is going on inside the parent’s mind. My mother suffered from PMS, my brothers and I could tell. We also knew that before the day was over, someone would get a beating for who knows what. It was her problem but we suffered for it. I’ve gotten whipped with a belt, switch, shoes and electric cords. One time mom whipped me with a switch and where there were buds on the switch, they made tiny holes in my skin on my back, legs and arms. Those holes bled and she made me bathe in hot salt water, probably thinking it would help heal or make them sting. You never know what another person is thinking.

      You owe your wife a lot for standing up to you about the abuse; I stood up to my husband many times. When kids are abused they grow up and have kids of their own. They decide they did not like the abuse and decide they are going to better for their kids. But what happens is that the parent comes across a tough issue or one day they are tired and stressed out so to save time, they hit their own children. The spanking seems to have worked so they use it again. That is the deception of abuse and why it gets passed on for generations.

      God as I know him, does not punish us for what we do not know, it’s after we know it’s wrong (a sin) and we go ahead and do it anyway that we are held responsible and are punished. From what I know about most religions, forgiveness absolves us of those wrongs – so long as we “go and sin no more.”

      You tell me that after you spanked your kids, that you hugged them and told them you loved them. I could never reconcile the violence with the affection. I often asked myself ‘what would Jesus do?’ For certain Jesus never whipped or abused children. Picture in your mind, Jesus saying to bring the children to him – and then him hitting them. The very idea of that is enough to stop most any rational Christian and get them to looking for a better way.

      I will be forever grateful to Parents Anonymous and the support of the group members that helped me find a better way. When I went to my first meeting I decided right then and there that there would be no hitting of these girls. (It’s 100% FREE to parents.) I often wonder how much better my life would be if my mother and primary abuser had been able to have that support. I am grateful that there are Parents Anonymous groups across the U.S. and even in some foreign countries.

      Parents Anonymous helped me so much that I have done many things to bring this information to other parents. I have done TV, radio, public appearances and my blogs. ParentRap.org is the main blog, the other is dedicated to support the online groups. PANJOnlineGroup.org has the “I am a Parents Anonymous Parent” (IPAP) and gives tips about getting the most of the online group. http://PANJOnlineGroup.org/

      If you know anyone that may be struggling, give them the national organization’s website. From there they can find a local group. http://parentsanonymous.org/ If there is nothing near enough then they are welcome to join the online groups. They only need to create a screen name and password to join so it is completely anonymous and there is no pressure.

      I was just thinking it might be a good time to blog about this again. ❤ Thank you for your candor.

      Liked by 1 person

Share your thoughts and ideas!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s