Writing about spanking drums up negative images from my childhood that makes it seem like just yesterday.
By Jackie Saulmon Ramirez | August 8, 2013
Many will remember the early years of computers when our internet connections via telephone lines were painfully slow.
Several years ago researching ‘spanking’ for an article I was working on I came across a website where you could click to listen to the recording of an actual spanking as it had occurred. Out of curiosity I clicked the button to listen and waited for the dial-up connection to load the recording.
My thoughts drifted to my childhood; my parents each had their own methods for whipping. I remembered the shame of those ‘good whippings,’ as they were called and sweat began to bead on my forehead. My chest tightened and I could feel my eyes welling up. Finally unable to go further, I clicked the ‘x’ to close the webpage and I never went back.
Yeah, I remember all those whippings— dodging blows and grabbing things to protect my body.
My reaction surprised me but reaffirmed my need to stay in my Parents Anonymous Group. While I was not hitting or whipping my children, I still carried that awful baggage with me every single day. I still got angry over stupid things, just like Mom. I was also a bit like Dad; I remembered those in my family who spoke of whipping almost as a Biblical duty. Because of how I grew up I was still a danger to my children. I wondered if it would always be that way.
Visiting family or friends with our parents, I wore long sleeves and pants in warm weather to hide marks, or “stripes” as they were called. Like the scarlet letter, it was stark evidence of how bad I must have been.
“If you don’t beat them, they will get out of hand,” was a common phrase I heard many times.
Through the years I thought about waiting for the dial-up to load that day. I thought about my children and my need for them to love me as I loved them. I never wanted my children to hear the crack of a belt or feel the stinging burn it left behind. I didn’t want them to grow up and have memories like mine.
In this fast-paced world we live in I am grateful that one day not too long ago we had that slow connection called dial-up.
By request – Updated from May 30, 2012
Comments are always welcome.
Copyright © 2014 Jackie Saulmon Ramirez. All Rights Reserved.
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